everything has changed this week. I don't even know where to start.
On 26th we announced we annoced we we're expecting our first child toghther. Sam didn't seem bothered i could some how tell but nothing clicked at the time. He was quite all day and was distant.
27th July i announced online i was, his friends where all congratulating him he didn't even say thanks, then that evening it got weird he started saying 'I'm not ready, I love you but this not what i want'
the weekend became even more weirder.. eventually we came to the agreement we wouldn't go through with the pregnancy. We told our family's, i feel stupid, announced then all a sudden this is no longer what we want. On Monday we went to the doctors and decided to go around the whole thing privately, Later that day we where at the Drs. We spoke about options to go down and to make sure we we're sure about what we're doing. On Tuesday we where back to take the first medication.. We returned home.. the arguments started. Sam was claiming that it wasn't even his child.. which is not at all true, i haven't been with anyone since we got back together which was in march. The arguments turned violent within about an hour, He went out and was gone about two hours. He came back quite obviously on something, he smashed a mirror with his hand. My brother came in a got in a fight with him just from trying to calm him down. He got free and got in the car and speeded off. All Tuesday night i was a state and slept in my mums room, i felt like a fool. Yesterday my mum took me to the Dr and the final tablet was inserted, within 1hr 30 the pain and cramps started. I took parectmal to control the pain, and slept most the day, my mum stayed in all day to look after Rebecca and Me. I got a text from Sam saying 'hope you relised what you've done you've wrecked everything' we just texted each other shitty stuff actually its still going on now. he started saying ' We can be together but i don't want a relionship, i just want to sleep with you, still living together but we can get with other people' if that's his idea if a chat up line he needs to get some new ones.
In some ways I'm glad I didn't continue with the pregnancy in other ways I can't help but feel regret.
but i suppose its time to move on and focus on Rebecca's future and building our life. For now boys are just a no go. Just me and Rebecca from now on.
